you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
