So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
