Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
