He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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