just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
