I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
