The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
