I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
