Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
