He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
