Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
