It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
