Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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