Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
