im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this boner is exhausting
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
