I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
