i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
