I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
