I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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