Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
