dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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