went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
