bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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