Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
