im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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