If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
