i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I smell stomach acid.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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