You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
