Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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