And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
