so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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