At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
These tits shall not be calmed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
