Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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