You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
