I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
