I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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