i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
