Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
