I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
