now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
