shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
