I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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