How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
