Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
