mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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