Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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