fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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