Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
