You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
