So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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