I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
