My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
