We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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