hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
