was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
